Retreat
by BakaKonekoRKL
Summary: I had to go to a CCD retreat last weekend, so I wrote this to keep me sane. What if Ed, Al, Winry and Roy had to go through what I did? The torture and the laughs...all based on fact! Hardly any religion in it. [Complete]
1. Friday

B/N I wrote this based on a CCD retreat that I was forced to go on in order to keep me sane. About 90 of these events and dialogue and 100 of the names (except for the FMA people, but including the team names) are real and really happened. Even laying on the floor in the beginning. The only MAJOR difference is that we didn't sleep over; we got picked up, but the times are the same, and also, in the second chapter…but we'll get to that when that chapter comes up. Ed's in the group I was in, Al and Winry are in my friend Liz's group, and Roy is in my friends Andrew and Lindsay's group.

_**This fanfiction is brought to you by: The Avenue Q CD that I got yesterday.**_

Retreat; Friday; Day 1 

"Uggh," Ed groaned as he came to his senses.

But no sooner had he done so than he heard someone- a girl- say sternly, "No talking!"

Ed slowly sat up and looked around. He was in a large room filled with books (possibly a library), and there were many kids, probably around a hundred surrounding him. He scanned faces and was relieved to find Winry, Alphonse (in his human body, of course), and Roy there.

"Where are we?" Winry asked, looking bewildered.

"I don't know, but what's with the plates around your necks?" Ed asked, referring to the plates with their names written on them, with some kind of design on each (Roy's had blue lines around the edges and Winry and Al both had orange dots), with a string running through them and going around their necks, like necklaces.

"You have one too, FullMetal," Roy informed him. Ed looked down to see his plate with a yellow Sun.

At that point, pretty much everyone in the room was talking, so some kids in the front shouted, "Let's go antioch, let's go!" and everyone else clapped twice and became silent.

"Okay, guys, now that the initial activity is over, go to your small groups. Just follow people with the same plate designs as you," A stuck-up sounding girl said.

Everyone but the FullMetal group started leaving the room.

"I think we should go too," Al said, "Just to see what's going on."

"Easy for you to say," Ed muttered, "You and Winry are in the same group; I'm all by myself."

"Shut up," Roy told him, "Just go."

In a minute, the room was empty and everyone was in their "small groups". Ed found himself surrounded by other people with sunshine plates. There were five "team leaders" as they explained to him, but one wasn't even part of their group.

Ed didn't understand what was going on, but he decided to play along anyway. The group of around fifteen kids were trying to think of a "team name" that had to do with "god" and the color yellow. Ed didn't think that it was a good idea to tell them that he didn't believe in any gods, but whatever.

"C'mon, it's been "god's great golden Suns" for the past five years!" a team leader named Mike said.

"Think of something that's yellow and make a name out of it," said another team leader named Manny, "Like that kid's hair!" he pointed to Ed, who blushed, and everyone laughed. "But really, what's something that's yellow?"

"Urine!" the team leader who wasn't supposed to be there, whose plate said Mike Burke, exclaimed.

"But what's that have to do with god?" some girls asked.

Another boy answered, "It's called 'rain'!" which sent the group into laughter. After a short time, the team thought of the name "(god's) PEEPS". Peeps meaning those marshmallow chicks, people, and pee.

In another few minutes, they heard a hand bell ring and went into the library again. Ed was relieved to see Al and Winry there. Oh, and the Colonel, too. But he was a bit preoccupied with one of the many cute girls there at the moment, so Ed went over to the other two.

However, before they could say anything, the stuck-up girl in front, whose plate said "Catherine", started calling teams up, and a representative from each team stood up and said their team name. (A/N Ok, so it went like this. Each time we met back in the library, someone different would tell about what each team talked about. Everyone was supposed to go at some point, but like Ed, I didn't xD) Al, very nervously introduced his team as "orange tugboats of god", and the girl that Roy was hitting on introduced the blue team as "the blue jesus lizards". Ed wondered who could possibly have suggested the lizard part.

But once the name introductions were over, they still couldn't speak, because two of the "team leaders" gave some kind of speech, and they were immediately sent back to their "small groups" with no talking allowed.

Once they got back to the other rooms, the "team leaders" asked questions regarding the speeches.

"Oh, and if you call the talks 'speeches', I'll turn the hose on you!" Manny threatened.

"Don't worry, he doesn't have a hose," one of the two remaining team leaders, a girl, told them, while Mike Burke drew a hangman on the board.

"Jesus!" A boy with curly hair immediately guessed once the lines were up, and Mike Burke cursed playfully and erased the board with a broom and made another one. They all guessed letters until the word "jesus" was on the board again, and the bell rung, signaling the return to the library where they shared what they talked about in their "small groups" before the FullMetal group could say anything to one another. After everyone was done, they played a song that they had apparently forgotten to play after the talk not speech. Ed had no idea where the music was coming from, but they were all asked to hold hands with the people next to them. The order they were sitting in was Al, Winry, Ed and Roy.

Sure, Ed was fine with holding Winry's hand; she was a girl, after all, and he kind of liked her. But Roy? He refused. Anyway, Roy was perfectly fine holding hands with that cute girl.

When the song ended, one of the leaders from the green group called out, "Holding hands with someone of the same sex does _not _mean that you're gay!"

Another leader, a boy, added, "Unless you want it to be!"

"Well, FullMetal? Do you?" Roy asked the younger boy, sneering.

"Roy, leave him alone," Winry hissed at him. They were then sent to the cafeteria to have a snack.

"Wow, these things are really good," Ed said, shoving some more goldfish in his mouth. Winry and Al rolled their eyes at him. Roy was nowhere to be seen; coincidentally, neither was the cute girl.

"So…what's going here?" Winry asked.

"We are in a 'christian' church, where 'candidates' for a thing called 'confirmation' are on a three day 'retreat' to learn about their 'god'. Right now we're eating a bit before we sing this song that's printed on the backs of our plates, and then we're going to bed until about 7:30 tomorrow morning when we'll wake up again and continue," Al informed the other two. Ed and Winry just stared at him. "I'm good at finding stuff out like that!" Al said nervously.

"Um…Right. So how did we get here?" Ed asked.

"Last I remember, we were in Central…and we were trying to fall asleep…and something that Roy did…" Winry thought, "I don't know."

"So how do we get out?" Ed asked.

"The doors are all locked," Al told him, "And the only time that I heard of that they'll be open is tomorrow around seven when some of the guys are going to pick up breakfast."

"Damn…" Ed muttered.

But before they could continue, they were told over a megaphone to throw their things away, and were called into the gym next door, where they were told to move into a circle. They were then told to start singing to the guitars that two of the "leaders" were playing. When Ed and Roy (who had mysteriously reappeared, along with the cute girl) refused to sing, they were brought to the middle and forced to sing by themselves, without any guitars or anything.

Of course, Winry and Al got a good laugh out of it, but Ed and Roy were glaring at each other all the way back to the library, where the boys were sleeping, leaving Winry in the cafeteria with the rest of the girls.

After seeing two of the two older, sluttier girls humping each other by the doorway, Al felt bad for the young mechanic.

Ok, that's it for this chapter! This will only be a 3 chapter story, since the retreat was only 3 days long. If anyone needs any clarification, let me know! Reviews will make me feel like my weekend wasn't totally wasted! …Ok, so it was totally wasted, and those are 3 days of my life that I'll never get back, but reviews will make me feel better )


	2. Saturday

Ok, so this was pretty much what took place on Saturday. The questions they asked in the circle are real; also, the kids playing cards are me and my friends. Well, not me, since I was writing this, but it was Genevieve, Andrew S., Andrew I., and Liz. I'll let you know who said what. Um, I think that's it. I need to stop listening to my Avenue Q CD so much…lol

Retreat; Saturday; Day 2 

Ed had wanted to think of a way to get out last night, but with team leaders passing by in the hallway until everyone was asleep, he never had a chance to.

Everyone had a rude awakening at 7:30 am the next day. According to Al, the previous night, the "thing" had ended at 11:30pm, but no one had actually gone to bed until around midnight. (A/N Yes. I slept from only about 12 midnight until 6am. I'm STILL exhausted)

The boys trudged down to the cafeteria, still sleepy, where the girls were already awake and eating bagels and doughnuts. The boys, beginning to wake up, took a bagel each and some sugary doughnuts.

"Nice job on getting us out of here," Winry said sarcastically once they were all seated.

"Ugghhh…" the three guys moaned, still tired.

"Just drink some coffee," Winry suggested, "It'll wake you right up!"

"Coffee's pretty gross, though," Al protested.

"It's a lot better if you put some of that Nest-whatever chocolate stuff in it; it'll taste a lot better."

No one else seemed willing to, so Ed made a cup for himself. In three minutes, he was bouncing off the walls. (A/N My first coffee experience as well. Though I didn't lose it like Ed.)

"Um…Brother? Maybe you should stop?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT!?!?"

"Forget it, Al, he's lost it," Winry said, regretting she'd ever suggested coffee.

By the time they had to go back to the library, Ed had calmed down a bit. They all sat down as the stuck-up Catherine girl welcomed them back and yelled at everyone who seemed to be happy. Then they had another talk (not a speech), which Ed didn't pay attention to. Then they had to hold hands and listen to a song again (luckily, Ed was stuck between Winry and another girl), and were called back to their small groups.

When Ed got to his room, he noticed that the Mike Burke kid wasn't there. In fact, he didn't see him until two talks later, when they were all called into the gymnasium. They were divided into two groups, with Ed and Al on one side and Roy and Winry on the other. Ed's group made a large circle facing the walls of the gym, and everyone in Winry's group found someone to stand in front of on Ed's team. Winry stood in front of Ed and Roy stood in front of Al.

"Okay," said some kids into a megaphone on the opposite side of the gym from where Ed stood, "We're going to ask a question that you and the person in front of you will answer, telling each other your responses. You'll then hug each other, and the person on the outside will rotate to their left."

So first Ed would have to hug Winry and then he'd have to hug Colonel Bastard?

"First question!" the kids said through their megaphone, "What is your name and WHY?"

"Um…I'm Winry Rockbell? And…I don't know why."

"This is stupid."

"Aw, come on, Ed!"

Ed sighed. "Fine. _My_ name is Edward Elric, because that's what my Mom named me. Happy?"

"Hug!" the megaphone kids said. Everyone did, and Ed and Winry held on for just a moment too long.

They then rotated and Ed was face to face with Roy. They glared at each other until the question came. Would they rather be too tall or too short?

"I don't think you can get any shorter…"

"GRR SHUT UP!"

After that, they only hugged because the Catherine girl, who was next to Roy, yelled at them.

"Remember, it's only gay if you want it to be," Roy whispered in Ed's ear, smirking.

"Fuck you," Ed whispered back.

Next was that damn stuck-up girl, who smiled a little _too_ hard at Ed. (A/N I thought her face was gonna break…)

"Next question! What's your favorite color?"

"Black," Ed said immediately, without thinking.

Catherine made some sort of comment about it not being a positive color or something, and they hugged. Yeah, Ed hated her.

As they went on, questions were asked like whose your favorite voice actor, followed by favorite voice actress (A/N It was really actor/actress, but I said my fave V.A.s P ), your favorite band, then would you rather be swarmed by bees or jellyfish, would you rather be buried in the sand up to your head and wait for the tide to come in or be tied to a tree above a lake of alligators, what movie relates most to your life, and if you were to make a movie of your life, who would you cast as yourself and for other roles? Of course there were many more, and there was a lot of hugging to go along with it, but the four FullMetals were completely baffled as to what to say. Finally, about an hour later, Ed and Winry were facing each other again, and it was time for the final question.

"Okay, this is a really good one," one of the kids said into the megaphone, "Describe your first kiss, and if you haven't experienced your first kiss yet, then kiss the person that's across from you!"

Ed and Winry stared at each other for a second. Neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, so that meant…

Of course, it was only after they broke apart and the team leaders stared at them with that look in their eyes that they realized that the second part had been meant as a joke.

The two blushed and looked away, secretly savoring the taste of the others' lips.

XxXxXx 

After some more singing to that stupid plate song about thunder, rocks and roses, they were all let into the cafeteria to have lunch. Roy and the cute girl were missing again, but that didn't stop the other two from eating and talking. Mostly talking about how they hated the singing, but anyway, it was a pretty enjoyable lunch, minus the slight awkwardness between Ed and Winry.

Afterwards, they were given a tree hour break, which was cut an hour short. They all went outside (because it was allowed, and it was nice out, besides a chilly breeze), and went past the soccer field in the back and climbed up some rocks so they were part way up the large almost-mountain of a hill.

"You know, even if we escape from this building, we don't know how to get back to Amestris," Al pointed out, sitting on a rock.

"Yeah," Ed agreed, "So you think if we just wait around we'll somehow get back?"

"Maybe," Winry said. They sat down on some rocks a bit higher up than some other kids who were sitting on a flat rock playing cards. Screams of "Hoe!" (Gen), "Fuck!" (Liz/ Andrew S.) and "Dirty bastard!!" (Andrew I.) could be heard as they played, but it didn't reach the ears of anyone below them.

A while later, the stuck-up Catherine girl came along and asked them what they were doing in a tone that suggested that she believed them to be doing something _bad._

"Why is she busting on them and not the kids who were smoking before?" Ed asked, annoyed, after she'd left.

"None of the 'leader' guys saw them smoking," Winry reasoned, "And no one's going to tell on them."

"Morons," Ed mumbled, and laid on his back on the rock, letting the warm Sun wash over his face and body. They heard music playing from the kids below them, and they had to admit, even with two of the girls' awful singing along with it (A/N Heh heh…Me and Liz…To Evanescence 3 ), the songs were _much_ better than the ones they were forced to listen to after the talks and the one they were made to sing.

They were all too soon called back inside, however, and were forced into two more talks, which Ed found VERY boring. After everyone shared their responses or whatever, they were all instructed to make team banners in their groups out of felt.

Since Ed's team name had to do with peeps, a girl was assigned to draw about twenty peeps and about ten roses. (A/N Ok, that girl was me. I first did the peeps too small, so then I had to do twice as many xP ) They turned out very well, and Ed helped to cut them out (hey, he had to do something, right?). Everyone's names were written on the peeps, and they all went to the gym, where the FullMetals got together again.

"Okay," some kids with the megaphones announced, "We're going to call you group by group to go over to the church!"

First the blue group was called, so Roy was gone from the beginning. Then a few other groups were called and with Ed's group, Winry and Al's group, and the red group left, the peeps were called.

They walked through the hallway where kids in black hoods read to them things about sins, and Ed couldn't help thinking about his own. The only light was produced by some candles that the kids were holding, so it was very dark. Near the end, a girl read about sins relating to sexuality. Ed thought about Lust, and some of the boys in the group started laughing, until the female team leader who was leading the group to the church cuffed them on the sides of their heads.

Once they made it outside, those boys laughed, and once it was out of their systems, they went into the church where they sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Winry and Al's group came in, and they all sat down, and a short time afterwards, the red group came in and all was silent until a very fat man, who was the adult in charge of the entire thing, went to the front.

"Okay," he explained, "You're going to go to one of the three priests in the back and confess your sins. Then, you'll come up front and light a candle, then quietly reflect until everyone's done."

A man played some songs on a guitar and the lights were turned out. Many songs, actually, as one by one people went up and down the aisles.

Confess their sins? Ed was wondering a couple hours later. He, Winry, Al and Roy were some of the only people left- no, wait, Winry was going up to light the candle now! Damn. He couldn't tell these weird people his biggest sin- Sloth- but he didn't want to lie, because what if these people could tell and killed him or something? Hey, you never know. Okay, so think of a smaller sin…Uhhh…

He didn't have much time to think, though, as his turn came. He sat in front of the white-clad man, who greeted him and asked him to confess his sins.

"Uhmm…Well, I guess I've hurt people a lot," Ed said. It wasn't entirely untrue; even if it was for his or for other peoples' good, he was always fighting people, and he knew he'd (emotionally) hurt Winry.

The priest guy "absolved all of his sins", but Ed didn't believe he had even absolved one. (A/N the next part totally happened to me. Why wasn't Roy there to help me!?!?) He was expecting to use a match to light the candle, but instead there was a long lighter, which he had no idea how to use. Fucking non-Alchemy land…He kept pressing the button until a boy came over and helped him. He thought he heard snickering in the direction of where Roy was sitting.

A little while later, they got into a circle and started passing a candle around, saying who they wanted to pray for. Even though they didn't believe in it, Ed and Al both said for their brother (meaning each other), Winry said for her grandmother, and Roy said for all of his loyal friends. Yeah, yeah, warm and mushy time. Ed would have to torment him about it later.

It was sometime after 11:00pm when they went back to the other building, which was actually a school. They sung the song about three more times before they were allowed to go to bed.

Winry waved good-bye as they parted, and the three guys went back to the library.

"Maybe we'll get back tomorrow when it ends," Al said as the lights were turned out.

"I hope so, Al," Ed said. _I don't know how much more of this I can take…_

One more chapter left! Sorry for the many A/N's, but I figured that since this was written for sanity and not meant to be like…really serious, I guess, there were actually A/N's in this, unlike my other stories that are important and written because I like to write, instead of because I was dying. Lol. Anyway, thanks in advance for the reviews I know you're gonna give!


	3. Sunday

Okay, this is the final chapter! It's a pretty short chapter. Don't worry; you're almost there! Like I said, 100 percent (besides the FMA people) fact.

Retreat; Sunday; Day 3 

When everyone woke up the next morning, they all went down to the cafeteria, where the girls were already eating. They spent most of the time when they were done eating trying to keep the coffee out of Ed's hands. That is, until the group leaders started picking out kids who weren't wearing their plate-nametags. Unfortunately, one of the girls had stolen Winry's, as she had been alone. Once the kids (there were about fifteen of them) were all up front, they were told to sing and do the movements to "I'm a Little Teapot". Everyone else in the cafeteria had a good laugh, but Winry beat the hell out of Ed and the other two, right up until they were called back to the library, where they had two talks, followed by two small group discussions.

In Ed's group, Mike Burke came back again, and minimal time was spent on questions so they could play hangman and pictionary. Since he didn't believe in any gods, Ed had to lie a lot when asked questions, but he liked the mind intriguing games. He wondered if they had anything to do with this religion.

After they met back in the large group, they went down to the gymnasium, where they had to sing _again_. No one was very enthusiastic, though, so the team leaders sighed and gave them free time. Ed, Winry, Al and Roy sat on the bleachers and watched the other kids play cards again.

"Hey, why aren't you with your _girlfriend_?" Ed asked Roy.

Roy shrugged. "She had to leave early," he explained. Just then, the megaphone came on, with the Catherine girl ordering them to get into their groups but still stay in the gym.

"Okay," she announced when they were, "Now you're all going to sing this. If you don't sing, you don't get to eat, so the loudest group will go first!" (A/N No lie. Some groups were in there for about 15 minutes cuz they had a bunch of quiet girls. Ours was second cuz I'm loud as hell xD )

As the guitars started up, Manny ordered, "Scream the lyrics!"

Ed's group was the first to go, and Winry and Al's group was last.

The time until 1:00pm was so boring that Ed just followed the rest of his group around and didn't pay attention, trying not to fall asleep.

At 1:00 they presented their banners, then sang that damned song again. This went on until 2:00, when they went back over to the church for mass.

That too was very boring. All four of them fell asleep halfway through, and awoke sometime later in a hotel room in Central.

"So…we all just had the same dream…right?" Winry asked and the guys all nodded.

"So then was it really a dream or what?" Al asked.

"Not much time has passed here," Roy answered, checking the clock and calendar.

Then they all decided to leave the room and forget about it, maybe go get something to eat together. Ed lagged behind, though, trying to get a song about thunder, rocks and roses out of his head.

_**Do you get the subtlety in that last sentence? If there's a song in your dream, you don't usually get it stuck in your head, but if you've been singing it for three days, it can totally happen.**_

_**Not one of my better pieces of writing. And this chapter was abnormally short. And I left out the part about the one kid burning his leg hair off and singing "Every Time We Touch" and that song that goes "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!" during free time. I just kinda wanted to get this over with, to tell the truth. My other stories are MUCH better, though. Well, this is over. Reviews, anyone?**_


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